Taking the grump

Captains Blog 1319 - 1319 • Published 7 Apr 2009 09:30 0 Comments

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I really am an old carmudgeon, a grumpy old man, a crabbit old.....well, delicate eyes may be reading this so I’ll control my expletiveness. If that’s a word. Even if it’s not, I don’t give a .... fig. A flying one.
I’ve mentioned before my growing lack of patience but this morning I realised just how carnapcious I’ve become,
There are lots of things that set my teeth on edge now - and it was something as inoffensive as an Abba song on the telly that started me off this morning.
Quite frankly, if I never hear another Abba tune it’ll be too soon.
I’ve nothing against the Swedish pop sensations. I actually quite like some of their stuff. I just never want to hear them again.
And I’m heartily sick of hearing the words ‘Mamma’ and ‘Mia’ in juxtaposition.
I’ve seen neither the stage play nor the film. I expect that the movie will be as over-rated as that other 2008 mega-success ‘The Dark Knight’.
Let me get something straight - my movie tastes are not high-falutin’. I don’t go into raptures about the latest black and white two-hander from the burgeoning movie industry of Mozambique.
But I’m getting fed up with comic book movies.
I take movie magazine ‘Empire’ every month - I look forward to reading it - but if they give me another cover with a comic book theme I’ll write them a letter. That’ll teach them.
I mean, in a month when the sainted Clint Eastwood returned to acting with yet another terrific movie - ‘Grand Torino’ - you’d expect him to be on the cover. But no, we got a front page dedicated to a Terminator movie not due out for some time.
This month it was a good looking young actress and I thought, well, at least it’s not ‘The Watchmen’ or ‘Wolverine’ or some other over-hyped, CGI-ridden super hero. But the star was Megan Fox and she’s in the new Transformers movie which is not due out for some time.
But I’m just bad tempered.
What else gets my goat?
I just need to see Jacquie Smith and I’m reaching for the off switch. I’m considering moving to her constituency just so I can vote against her.
Celebrity chefs also make my list.
Reality TV. Don’t start me.
Overly long films (see ‘The Dark Knight’ above). I like a long film as long as the subject or content lend itself to it but too many now abuse the privilege. Keep them to under two hours, guys.
The word ‘Blog’, which is somewhat ironic I suppose.
Any comedian whose second name is Brand. Sorry, don’t see the charm.
People who don’t know what their car indicators are for. Yes, I know we’ve all done it, but it still rips my semmitt.
Political Correctness. Treat everyone with respect but let’s not go too far. If I want to use the word ‘brainstorm’ let me use it without a wagging finger.
While we’re on it, wagging fingers really sicken my mince. Governments are getting far too fond of it. I know if I buy a fast food burger that it’s riddles with calories and fat. THAT’S WHY IT TASTES GOOD! Leave me alone.
Believe me, this is only the tip of the iceberg of what makes my blood boil these days.
Is there a stronger word than ‘Carmudgeon’?
If there is, it’s me.

This blog appeared in Ardrossan & Saltcoats Herald 01 Jan 70

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